Life Coach Training
Lesson 25
Client as Mirror
It is not unusual—in fact it is quite common—that your clients will bring up questions and issues with which you are currently dealing. While this might at first be surprising and unnerving, such an interchange offers a great gift for both coach and client.
If you are dealing with a money issue; or a relationship challenge; or a judgment about your weight; or a crossroads in your career; or an attraction to someone other than your partner; or . . . or. . . or — don’t be surprised when one or more of your clients voice the same questions you are asking yourself.
Your first reaction might be, “How am I supposed to help this person with this issue when I can’t figure it out for myself?” or “I am a hypocrite for presenting myself as a coach when I am no farther along this path than my client,” or “I have no idea how to respond to this.” Yet if you can relax and take the conversation step by step, you will find light at the end of the tunnel for both of you.
First, recognize and appreciate that the Law of Attraction has drawn this client with this issue to you at this time for mutual healing. The fact that you are in the coaching role and your client is in the client role at the moment is less important than that the issue is on the table to be looked at by both of you, giving you the opportunity to shine light on it together.
Next, get over your judgments about yourself for not having an obvious answer at this moment. You are not required to be a perfect all-knowing sage to be a coach. You are a human being on a path of ever-expanding self-awareness. As such, you know some things and you are still figuring other things out. You are growing along with your client. There may be some issues about which you are clearer at the moment, and some issues about which your client may be clearer at the moment. You are both on a learning curve, and you can help each other master it.
It is perfectly fair to say, “It’s funny you should ask me that. I have been asking myself a similar question, and I don’t have the whole answer yet.” Or, “Actually, I am working on that myself, as well.” Tell your client any insights you have gleaned, even if they are but momentary glimmers. Then ask your client, “What have you come up with? Maybe we can shed some light on this together.”
While you may fear that you will be judged or discredited by your client for still working on the same issue he is, your client will probably appreciate your honesty, gain rapport, and respect you more. If you try to make up an answer or avoid the issue, your client will sense your evasion and you will lose rapport. An honest response will establish you as a human being walking side by side with your client on the path to a shared goal.
You can also ask for guidance in that moment, and request of your Higher Power, “I am at a loss here for what to say. What would you have me say that would be truly helpful?” If you ask sincerely, you will be amazed at what comes through.
When I first began to coach I was struggling with a relationship issue when my friend Sal asked if he could have a coaching session with me. When he arrived he told me a story about what he was going through with his girlfriend that was exactly what I was going through with my girlfriend. It was as if he took the words right out of my mouth!
After I got over my initial surprise and discomfort, I told him the insights I had had during my few but meaningful moments of clarity around the issue. I hadn’t mastered the difficulty, but I did have some pieces of possible answers.
Sal was thrilled with what I told him, and reported, “That was exactly the answer I needed.” He left with a big smile.
After he departed I shook my head in amazement at what had just happened. It was as if Sal came to help me figure out the issue, and as I took a step to do so, he joined me.
Remember the verse in our Healer’s Prayer:
I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.
When a client mirrors your issue, you have an extraordinary opportunity to put this principle into action. As you put aside your egoistic thought, “I am not qualified in this situation,” you clear the way for Higher Power to enter and deliver the healing or awakening both of you seek. Your client is the angel who came to call forth the gift that will bless both of you.
Exercise:
1. What issue(s) are you the most sensitive about?
2. How would you feel if a client came to you and voiced the precise issue you are facing?
3. How might you respond in a way that would be helpful to both of you?
Affirm:
My clients bring me perfect opportunities to give and receive healing.
I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.